Ive done it :)

I have finally completed my list of 100 things to do. i just need to actually do them now ...

1. Sing karaoke
2. Be in a mosh pit
3. Stand on the Great Wall of China
4. Trek through Nepal
5. See the Dali lama in India
6. See a Broadway play in NYC
7. Skinny dip
8. Learn how to playa song on the guitar (I have bought the guitar - now I just need to find time to learn)
9. Publish a photography book
10. Memorise a poem and pass it on to my children
11. Go snorkelling on the Great Barrier Reef
12. See the great pyramids and the sphinx
13. Learn tango/salsa dance/ballroom dancing
14. Learn to play golf
15. Climb the Eifel tower
16. See the statue of David in person
17. Learn some sign language
18. Learn how to ride a motor bike
19. Ride a motor bike around the Isle of Man (the same course my grandfather raced and died on)
20. See the Whitlam’s live
21. Complete a uni degree
22. Take some kickboxing lessons
23. Get drunk in Tijuana on tequila
24. Get a tattoo (done....I now have 2)
25. Join the mile high club
26. See the ruins of Pompeii & the coliseum
27. Swim with sharks
28. Skydive
29. Learn to pole dancing.
30. Hold a snake
31. Go to Melbourne cup. (This will be crossed off in just 2 days yay)
32. Conquer my fear of public speaking
33. Run with the bulls
34. Learn a second language
35. Run 5kms
36. Complete a triathlon
37. Get my licence (halfway...I finally got my learners permit)
38. Try absinthe
39. Learn to shoot a gun
40. Do charity work overseas
41. Participate in a production of the vagina monologues
42. Visit my grandfather’s grave on the Isle of Man
43. Just once, when a homeless person asks for money for food - give it to them
44. Write a children’s book - even if just for my own children
45. Do open water dive
46. To find 100 things to put on this list
47. Collect 1000 teddy bears for the children’s hospital
48. Write and direct and film a documentary - publish on you-tube or blogger
49. Take a stranger to dinner
50. Learn how to surf
51. Live in NYC for at least 3 months
52. See an off Broadway play
53. Commission a self portrait
54. Send a message in a bottle....complete with my contact details
55. Go on a blind date
56. Go on a cross country road trip Sydney - Perth
57. Make a Wikipedia entry for my grandfather (Thomas Phillis )
58. Update my grandmothers IMDB profile ( Jan Adele )
59. Learn how to change the oil in a car
60. Learn how to change a tire
61. Hold an exhibition of my photos
62. Do a book crossing
63. Host a radio program
64. Attend a masquerade ball
65. Get my bronze medallion
66. Get a head to toe make over – new wardrobe, hair cut & colour and make up ect.
67. Teach a class (maybe photography at community centre)
68. Perform at/in a burlesque show
69. Read war & peace
70. Design a dress, have it made and wear it out.
71. Have a white Christmas
72. Attend a Hollywood premier
73. Go white water rafting
74. Learn to ski/snowboard
75. Learn fencing
76. Have Ben folds write/perform a song about me
77. Do a great white shark cage dive
78. Learn some figure skating/ice dancing
79. Do the harbour bridge climb
80. Learn to play a song on the piano
81. Sydney tower – sky tower walk
82. Join or start a Book club
83.Learn to knit from a pattern
84. Climb Mount Everest
85. See the Northern Lights
86. Buy a house
87. Visit all 7 continents
88. Get a breast reduction & lift
89. Blog everyday for a month – with self portraits
90. Get out of Debt
91. Visit the set of the Office
92. Own a horse
93. Learn to fly a plane
94. Get my Masters in Photography (WPPI or AIPP or both)
95. Make a $10 000 sale with one client
96. Have my image on the cover of a magazine
97. Go on a stunt flight
99. Have a nude portrait painted/drawn
100. Open my own studio

MSC!!!

last year i was trying to find some of the +44 songs that were about to be released when i came across one labeled "everything is alright" instantly i knew is wasnt mark hoppus singing. after much frustration i found the band....and fell in love. eveything is alright is the song i wished i had to listen to when i was in hospital (mental health ward for depression). so i found more of their stuff and was hooked. so i couldnt sleep tonight and jumped online to see if they had released any aus tour dates and almost did a teeny bopper scream when i saw they were playing here in feb. im beyond excited :D:D:D (how lame am i?).

"when your around" lept me sane when ant and I broke up - in fact the lyrics summed it up perfectly for the condescending paper obsessed moron. my favourite accident perfectly describes my life with ryan. and fromt he latest album - even if it kills me is something i relate to with my life right now.

their new album rocks - of course. so now I am being lamo fan girl and sitting up watching their film clips on youtube.

i love this song.

"Hold Me Down"
I found a letter that said:
"I'm sorry that you were asleep when I wrote these words down,"
You'd think I'd ought to be used to that by now.
Save for a few of those late night episodes,
Missed opportunities, and "I Don't Cares,"
There's not a lot that I feel obliged to share or talk about.

I'll have my brother stop by this Saturday to pick up my things,
Just make sure you're not there.
This may sound bad, and don't take it the wrong way..
I love you, however,
You hold me down [x4]

You're the echoes of my everything,
You're the emptiness the whole world sings at night.
You're the laziness of afternoon,
You're the reason why I burst and why I bloom.
How will I break the news to you? [x2]

Cancel our dinner with Max and Coraline,
feed Jacky's gerbil and try to stay clean.
We'll talk it over after I've had some time alone to sort it out.
You hold me down [x4]

You're the echoes of my everything,
You're the emptiness the whole world sings at night.
You're the laziness of afternoon,
You're the reason why I burst and why I bloom.
You're the leaky sink of sentiment,
You're the failed attempts I never could forget.
You're the metaphors I can't create to comprehend this curse that I call love..
How will I break the news to you? [x5]

feeling dodgy.

i should be stoked. i got a house back in melbourne.

but instead im so run down i can barely move. im most likely going to have to cancel my trip to the states to cover the rent & bond.

Good Charlotte - Where Would We Be Now Lyrics

I smile , you laugh, I look away
I sigh, you ask me why, I say,
Its ok and I am just feeling down
Your hand on mine I hear the words...
If only love had found us first, our lives would be different

So I stand and wait
I am just a man

Where would we be now baby, if we found each other first
Where would we be now baby,

And now I must confess
That I am a sinking ship
I'm anchored by the weight of my heart cause its filled with these feelings
I keep my true thought locked beside my hearts black box
It wont be found, it wont be found, through the smoke or the wreckage
So I crash and burn
I got a lot of things to learn

Where would we be now baby, if we found each other first
What would you do now darling, if I said these simple words
I'll wait, I'll wait...As long as you want.

Where would we be now baby

I'll wait
I'll wait

Where would we be now baby, if we found each other first
What would you do now darling, if I said these simple words
I'll wait, I'll wait...As long as you want.

Where would we be now baby
I'll wait
I'll wait

the circus...

the circus came to town this week. i wanted to take the kids, but then decided to boycott it based ont he fact that i thought it was a rip off.

keep in mind when i was a kid circuses had lions and elephants and loads of animals....not to mention i got VIP ringside seats and got to go hang out with the performers and animals afterwards (by some connection im not quite sure of we are related to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circus_Joseph_Ashton ) it was pretty cool. But the last time i went was when i was 16 i took a different group of people every night and took them all to meet the performers and Phyllis who was the matriach. Phyllis has since passed away and the circus as it was shut down. Like many circuses these days they lost alot of their animals thanks to animal rights activists.....dont get me wrong im all for animal rights. but these animals were born and bred into the circus. they were loved like family pets. but anyway thats another rant entirely.

anyway when i found out they had lions and elephants we decided to take the kids along. we told them we were going into town for a surprise and got off the bus right opposite the circus...the kids were beside themselves but we feigned ignorance saying we didnt know it was there and instead crossed the road to go to chinese. after dinner (which was so awsome both chels and maddy rocked at using chopsticks) we said we would go over and let them see the elephants. we also said seeing as how we werent going to teh circus they could have a ride on the teacups, the giant slide and the clowns. after all of that ryan told them the reason we couldnt afford tickets to the circus was because we had already bought them. when he bought them out they just went crazy and were hugging us and saying what tricksters we were. it was so cute.

then as we go to go in we are told they have two 8 month cubs (bred from generations of circus lions) and we could have our photo taken with them. well we did. the kids were beside themselves to get to pet and sit next to an 8 month lion cub.

we all had a greta night even though the kids were soooooooooooooo buggered by the end of it. audrey wouldnt sit down during the final act and maddy went to sleep. in the cab ride home just a few minutes in 3 were absolutely fast asleep.

it was a fantastic night out with the kids (even though i am still cringing at the $300+ i spent once you take into account cabs and dinner).

in a few years there will be no circuses left with animals and hopefully they will remember it forever.

jess

teary...

i have been feeling on the verge of tears most of the last two days. for starters i think im comming down with the flu. not to mention doing back to back sessions all week and then on top of that not being able to sleep properly and ACOCP work piling up as well as the sheer volume of sessions i need to proof....i think im completely and utterly exhuasted.

i really feel the need to be able to just sit down and have a huge cry. when i get home i am so going to sit in my jammies for 2 days, watch the office and friends and eat ALOT!!!

im in desperate need of a holiday.

and todays song lyrics are from a song i listed to sooooooo much after the shit hit the fan with last years disaster and the biggest mistake i ever made.

Jess.

"Nothing At All" Kasey Chambers

One was the light in a candle
Two was the colour of the rain
Three was a fall in deeper
Four was a cry and shame
Five was a shiver in the winter
Six was a losing card
Seven was the hope I would never fall too hard

One was a breath under water
Two was a crash and burn
Three was a ghost of the lover
Four was a lot to learn
Five was the livin' in a cradle
Six was a mercy cry
Seven was the hope you would never say goodbye

You win
I lose
You leave with nothin' to prove
You rise, I fall
I leave with nothing
Nothing at all

One was a faith in a sorrow
Two was a waste of a dream
Three was a life in a bottle
Four was the last to believe
Five was a break in the weather
Six was back to the start
Seven was the hope it would never go this far

You win
I lose
You leave with nothin' to prove
You rise, I fall
I leave with nothing
Nothing at all

I was your waste time
You were my angel wing
I was your falling star
You were my everything

You win
I lose
You leave with nothin' to prove
You rise, I fall
I leave with nothing
Nothing at all

You win
I lose
You leave with nothin' to prove
You rise, I fall
I leave with nothing
Nothing at all

Nothing at all, Nothing at all
Nothing at all, Nothing at all

as usual.....

its after 1am and i cant sleep. i was listening to music and lily allens "smile" came on (yes i guess i am vindictive by nature) and i realised i had never seen the film clip so jumped on youtube. i felt totally transported back to the chaos of last year. how i was just left feeling totally alone. i hope it all came back to him tenfold, but i highly doubt it. instead i can just enjoy the song LOL.

i was talking to someone the other day about what i want in a partner and really the only criteria (apart fromt he fact that they get alone with my girls) was that they had a job and could support themselves....i know terribly high expectations....well while listening to music on the way to a session this morning i realised i have something to add to that. i want someone who feels this way about me...

“Alive With The Glory of Love” Say Anything
When I watch you, wanna do you, right where you're standing…yeah.
Right on the foyer, on this dark day, right in plain view…oh, yeah….
Of the whole ghetto, the boot-stomped meadows, but we ignore that, yeah.
You're lovely baby, this war is crazy, I won't let you down…oh, no no….

No, I won't let them take you, won't let them take you…Hell, no no…
Oh, no…I won't let them take you, won't let them take you…Hell, no no…
No, oh no, no, no….

And when our city vast and shitty falls to the Axis, yeah…
They'll search the buildings, collect gold fillings, wallets, and rings…oh, yeah.
But Miss Black Eyeliner, you'd look finer with each day in hiding, oh yeah…
Beneath the wormwood, ooooo, love me so good…
They won't hear us screw away the day.
I'll make you say:

“Alive! Alive! Alive with love, alive with love tonight…”
“Alive! Alive! Alive with love, alive with love tonight…”

(No, I won't let them take you, won't let them take you…Hell, no no…
Whoa, no…I won't let them take you, won't let them take you…Hell, no no…)

Our Treblinka is alive with the glory of love….
Treblinka, alive with the glory of love! Yeah!

(Ok, speed it up….Go!)

Should they catch us and dispatch us to those separate WORK camps.
I'll dream about you, I will not doubt you with the passing of time….Oh, yeah.
Should they kill me, your love will fill me as warm as the bullets, yeah.
I'll know my purpose: this war was worth this. I won't let you down…

No, I won’t….
No, I won’t….
No, I won’t….

(Alive! Alive! Alive with love, alive with love tonight…)
Hell no, no…Whoa, no, I won't let them take you, won't let them take you….Hell, no, no.
No! No!


even better a guy who can sing it

Jess (who should really try sleeping one of these days)

lifes good...

some days are just yummy.

started off waking up and checking emails in bed, then almost all of our melbourne acocp photographers came over for the day to have our meeting about what we are doing, and what we can do to make things work better down here. I already loved all our photographers - but im going to say it again - we have some of the most wonderful people in our organisation.

The this afternoon i had a fantastic session (well sort of two smooshed into one). Just over a year ago i stopped to talk to a lady about the wonderful coats her daughters had on. It ended with us talking about the ACOCP and her daughters cancer. I didnt hear from her again til about 3 weeks ago when she emailed me to book a session - and tell me hte good news that Bonnie was in remmision. Then her sister and her sisters kidlets came along for the day too. It ended up being the most fun session i have had and the family were just wonderful!!!! just one of those feel good days.

the the office....man the jim episodes have been so painfully awkward lately...though i am loving them. the office was always suppose to be painfully awkward. poor jim.

ok im off to do some more work because it never ends :)

Jess.