to the jerk who stole my cab....if your reading this....bite me!!!

now ive got that out of my system.....

im safe and sound in melbourne. cant believe i forgot it was a race day (and of course it was raining) so by the time i got in there was almost zero chance of getting a cab. not only that but the cab companies numbers were engaged they were that busy. so there is just me and this guy at the rank...i was there first and he acknowledged that. i had been waiting almost 20 mins when a cab was seen dropping someone else off across the road - he was about to head over when the jerk ran across the road and jumped in. I of course had a suitcase, handbag & laptop bag and he was gone before i could shout obscenities his way. just as my lovely friend was going to come get me a cab showed up....who of course "didnt know" how to get there and drove all the way along one road just to turn up another and come all the way back....to my rip off taxi driver and the jerk who stole my cab just remember karma is a bitch.

the flight was good though. nice to get in after just 2 hours (i normally go on the bus and its about 24 hours) without being terribly smelly. love the staff at virgin blue - really great - always smiling. polite. funny. though we did have alot of turbulance and as such the seatbelt sign was on for the first 45 mins of the flight. some old lady didnt care about this and got up and started roaming the cabin. the staff (who were also being told to remain seated and belted) kept trying to reason with her and eventually came over the loudspeaker to tell her to get her butt back to her seat. she kept rambling about how poorly they treated the elderly LOL.

i had forgotten what turbulance was like. I traveled alot by plane when i was younger and flying has never scared me. even now the turbulance didnt bother me (just made it harder to read my book).

then of course on the city train i was surrounded by drunken race go-ers....i couldnt belive it when 60 odd people in my train carriage started singing LOL. quite ammusing.

as i have travelled alot during my year there was always a strange feeling i would get as i was comming into my home town (which was always sydney....even now 15 years after living there - i still feel like im comming home) - i felt it today when i touched down in melbourne. it made me realise how much i have missed it. we only lived there 3.5 years but it is my new home. i love the people here (the above people are the exception to the rule). i love the old buildings. the character. i am going to have to try to get out and take some photos of this city while im here....not sure where exactly i would fie the time, but i will see what i can do.

i have also been reflecting alot lately. its been just over a year since my world was turned upside down and i made the single bigest mistake of my life. I was listening to a song today and some lyrics stood out. I guess the mistake made me realise i was a grown up too. that my actions have real consquences. that one thing can turn everyones lives upside down.

" When you're young you have this image of your life:
That you'll be scrupulous and one day even make a wife.
And you make boundaries you'd never dream to cross,
And if you happen to you wake completely lost."

this year has also been a big journey of self discovery. i have learned alot about myself. this is the only time in my life i have ever wished i could turn back the clock. in the past i have tried to think positive...everything i have been through and ddone have made me the person i am today. but i still want to deny that i am that person. but maybe i am? how many collosal mistakes are people allowed before they are considered a bad person? 1? 2? 3? none?

and can a person be judged based on one single action? or can you add brownie points for being a good person in other ways? who knows. i need to take some more of my uni classes (bachelor of arts in philosophy) maybe that would help me answer the unanswerable.

Jess.


Missy Higgins - The Special Two

I've hardly been outside my room in days,
'cause I don't feel that I deserve the sunshine's rays.
The darkness helped until the whiskey wore away,
And it was then I realize the conscience never fades.
When you're young you have this image of your life:
That you'll be scrupulous and one day even make a wife.
And you make boundaries you'd never dream to cross,
And if you happen to you wake completely lost.
But I will fight for you, be sure that
I will fight until we're the special two once again.

And we will only need each other, we'll bleed together,
Our hands will not be taught to hold another's,
When we're the special two.
And we could only see each other, we'll bleed together,
These arms will not be taught to need another,
'Cause we were the special two.

I remember someone old once said to me:
"That lies will lock you up with truth the only key."
But I was comfortable and warm inside my shell,
And couldn't see this place would soon become my hell.
So is it better to tell and hurt or lie to save their face?
Well I guess the answer is don't do it in the first place.
I know I'm not deserving of your trust from you right now,
But if by chance you change your mind you know I will not let you down
'cause we were the special two, and we'll be again.

And we will only need each other, we'll bleed together,
Our hands will not be taught to hold another's,
When we're the special two.
And we can only see each other we'll breathe together,
These arms will not be taught to need another...
'cause we're the special two.

I step outside my mind's eye's for a minute.
And I look over me like a doctor looking for disease,
Or something that could ease the pain.
But nothing cures the hurt you, you bring on by yourself,
Just remembering, just remembering how we were...

When we would only need each other, we'd bleed together,
Our hands would not be taught to hold another's,
We were the special two.
And we could only see each other, we'd bleed together,
These arms would not be taught to need another,
'Cause we're the special two.